I was faced with my first blow of crushing hopelessness today. It happened, I'd say, sometime between arriving at my cubicle and realizing that everyone around me is at least three decades older and have been at this job their whole life. And, it was obvious, they were expecting the same thing to happen to me.
No.
This is an absolutely terrifying thought to me. Now that I hate the company I work for or the people I work with or anything, I am just terrified to think that everyday, for the rest of my life, I will be going to the same place, doing the same thing, for the same amount of time with no change. Every. Single. Day. That is what scares me.
I just would not be able to handle that horrible, mind-numbing routine.
Don't get me wrong, I like routines, having a general idea what is going on makes me feel comfortable, but only in a a very generalized sense. I enjoy variation in my schedule; freedom to do what I need when I want from where I want (home or office). Thinking about being forced into the corporate grind is enough to make me start becoming both anxious and depressed.
No, I don't want to work part time where I never know my schedule and hardly get paid anything, but at the same time, that would almost be preferable to a cubicle for eight hours a day every day for more money. Maybe it's because it is summer time for me, this is my first internship/"grown-up" job, or that I haven't fully grown up yet, but I am just dreading the rest of this summer right now. Hell, I want to go back to school at this point. Let's chalk it up to early job acclimation and see what changes in the next few weeks.
Right now, though I want my summer back. And I now know, for a fact, that I will never, ever, have my career leave me in a cubicle.
That last sentence is the most important one, Matt. If you don't want it, it won't happen to you. Stimulation finds stimulating people.
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