Yay. Of course this means cake and presents and felicitations and songs and all kinds of pointless frivolity. Oh, and another number tacked onto my life. This year I'll finally be moving into the third decade of my life (that's my 20's for those of you who aren't exceptionally gifted with numbers). That's right, no longer a teen, one year closer to drinking legally and gambling, and one year closer to death.
How's that for a happy thought?
Not to rain on my parade too much, but I have just been thinking a lot more about time lately. I can't seem to pinpoint the exact reason why its been on my mind but I'll just attribute it to me growing up.
I've been here these last few months/years just watching lives go by. Not only my own, although that has flown by, but those of my family and friends. Every year I watch my parents get older, grow closer to retirement. I see my sisters move through college, graduate, attempt to make their own way in the world. And, most frightening, I see myself end high school, enter college, and move ever closer to graduation and the 'real world."
Ever get that feeling that time is slipping away much too fast for you to control; moving you further and further away from who you are, your friends, family, and everything that was familiar? Yeah, I know what that is like.
There are quite a few people I wish I could say that to; people I feel slipping away from me because of time rushing past us. People, no, friends who I don't want to lose. Moving away from friends is a normal process in life, though. You make friends over the years, some stay, some go. Those who leave are soon replaced, and life moves on; even if a little emptier than before. It is something that we all have, and will experience, I'm just laying it out plain for you.
I think this is one of the pains of being in college. College and high school are often lauded as the "best years of your life" and a time where you can just enjoy being young and free and stupid. We go out, fall in love, take classes, make frugal amounts of money, blow all that money on trivial things, party, and just generally not care about the future; but, really, how can we care about it? We are in a 'time between times' as it were. No longer kids, but not yet fully adults. More independent than before, but less so than we will eventually be in a few years. These years seem to be nothing more than a glorified waiting period, a way to ease ourselves into what life will be like for us after school (i.e. jobs, taxes, bills, family). Nothing can really be done in this period of life beyond wasting what time we have.
Many of us will get jobs or internships as a way of trying to launch our career; whatever glorified dream that may turn out to be at the time. Almost none of us, though, will know what to do with ourselves until we finally get thrown out, headfirst, into the fierce and unapologetic world we have been, at least slightly, insulated against all of our lives thus far. Then it is finally time for us to live, just in time for us to die.
I know this post sounds very dark and depressing, and it is; but with good reason. No one really talks about time and how fleeting it is, so, when the subject is brought up, we squirm and try and forget about it. Once we realize how valuable (and short) our time really is, though, we really start to live. When we take risks, act impulsively, fall in love, make mistakes, and actually have fun.
That is what college and the "time between times" is all about. Fun. Not learning, not getting your career started, but having what good times you have while you're still young and virile enough to enjoy them. You're still forgiven and have time to make up for mistakes. You have your whole life ahead of you and your whole life behind you too. You are in the middle, stuck between the two halves of your life; child you and adult you meshing together. Make what you can of it, enjoy these 'Limbo' years.
Remember, this is the last time you'll be a kid and the very first time you'll be an adult. Make the most of it.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go figure out what disgustingly unhealthy abomination of a cake I'm going to have on the 24 to celebrate my passing one more year out of childhood, and one more year into being an adult.
You are going to have a splendid new year, Matt. Age brings more responsibility, but also more fulfillment, I've found. (PS: I'm in my 30s and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up!)
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